Friday, October 1, 2010

Having Doubts

Maybe this blog stuff was just a big mistake. I'm an avid learner and I thought the more information I had, the better the pieces would fit and it would just complement who I am. I didn't think I'd be so thrown by such a tiny sentence.

There was so much more to the message than just that sentence, and it was good. It made me feel good. It gave me hope. It was nice. I don't want to negate that, but I can't get by the tiny sentence.

I'm the child of an alienated parent. I have guilt. I shouldn't. I did nothing wrong. I know this. It is fact for every EVERY case. But...I still have this irrational guilt that somehow I caused the pain and suffering of my mom.

So when I was told "...she needs you to love her unconditionally", it floored me.

I did! Oh my god how I did! I did until the lines got so blurred and the truth got so convoluted that it was no longer safe--mentally as well as physically. But the twisted aspect is that it's the adults responsibility to love unconditionally. How is it all of sudden on me? A child should never (never!) be concerned with an adults needs.

I'm starting to believe my first impression of the blog that initially caught my interest is spot on. Why don't people tell the whole story?  Have a read:

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